![]() ![]() ![]() What It Really Is: If your parent threatens general negative consequences or emotional harm, they're most likely engaging in emotional blackmail. It Might Sound Like: "If you don't come home to see me this holiday, I'll get very lonely and feel depressed for months again " "The stress of dealing with you will probably give me cancer or a heart attack " "It's OK, I'll be dead soon anyway." D - author of the self-help classic Toxic Parents and a general titan in the field of trying to navigate life when your relationship with your parents makes you miserable - says that a key trait of toxic mothers and others is that they "assume that their likes and needs are more important than yours," which leaves you vulnerable to confrontation every time you express a need or like counter to theirs.įorward also says that developing boundaries can help you protect yourself from a toxic parent's provocations, because "emotional boundaries define how people are allowed to treat you." The three techniques below focus on expressing boundaries to your toxic parents when they engage in negative emotional behavior towards you. ![]() In her book, Mothers Who Can't Love, Susan Forward, Ph. Whether it's going against our better judgment and giving our toxic mom a call because we're feeling sentimental (those damned holiday commercials!), or attending a family gathering in order to avoid guilt or see another family member that we miss, the holiday season can often find us especially vulnerable to threats, demands, insults, and other negative comments from the people who made us. I know that the holidays are stressful for almost everyone (and that having a toxic family is a difficult vocation year-round), but those of us who struggle with our families sometimes find that December pushes us to our breaking point. And by "extra stresses and challenges," I mean that the next month or so might be a head-long dive into anxiety, depression, panic, guilt, shame, and all those other fun emotions that make you want to hide under your comforter. Among your friends, it might be the eggnog-filled, tinsel-wrapped, most wonderful time of the year, but for people who grew up with toxic parents, the holidays can often mean extra stresses and challenges. ![]()
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